Friends and relatives bug me about not having a bf because well, I/they honestly don't think there's something seriously wrong with me.
(Okay fine, NOT CHIO ENOUGH is quite a serious defect! But since I'm so lazy and too poor/cowardly to get plastic surgery, I have to live with this me for now)
It's mad annoying when people give the knowing look and say "You're too fussy. I don't know what kind of standards you've set but they must be unreasonably high. Go out there and mingle!" I managed to summarize their collective thoughts which isn't very deep or difficult.
1. What is with the knowing look? Do you know me better than I know myself? And if we're not even very close, who are you to say these things about me? Go comment on yourself instead.
2. Unreasonably high standards when you have no idea what they are? Amazing. Judge without knowing the details! How typical of humans. I don't have unreasonably high standards. I don't even think my standards are high in all honesty. You mean it's impossible to find a guy who doesn't smoke and club? Or a guy who makes the effort to match his clothes? I'm sure many girls have the same criteria.
3. Mingling is good but where? On one hand, I do admit I'm not the most sociable person around. I've been told I look very unhappy/fierce and people have second thoughts about approaching me. WHAT! Is it my fault I don't go around with a smile? You know how some people are born with 'smiley lips'? Well, mine aren't. So they're either frownish or a pout. Whatever. I refuse to walk around smiling.
When people tell me I can meet people at nightspots, I discount the reasonableness of that advice straightaway. Let's just say my bias has obscured my impression of nightspots and I absolutely do not believe in them.
At the end of the day, if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, make it happen? I d'no. For the moment, I am partially satisfied. I just have to humor myself and be the self-centered bitch that I am. Of course I have episodes where I burst into tears and swear that I will also find a guy who loves me for who I am and I don't have to agonize over trying to be chio!
Yup, my life is so tempestuous.
I get fuzzy warm feelings when I see my friends' bfs being nice and loving to them. Then I feel sad that I don't have someone like that. Then I mentally kick myself because even when someone is trying to be like that, I freak out and avoid them like the plague.
Well, I can only say such sweet actions need to be done by the right person to have the correct effect.
Life is so tragic! I always like the guy who doesn't like me back. He can be really nice to me but he just doesn't like me. (Hello S!) OR he can be really afraid of me (and obviously doesn't like me!)
These events are really life-damaging! Especially when you're growing up and then your psyche gets twisted by all these rejections, jealousy and hatred.
HAHA.
True story!
I'll start questioning myself like "HUH! Is she prettier than me? *analyse* NO! She's not! She's not even that chio and how fake is she! What a bitch! What a slut! How is she better than me? Nope, this isn't going to last. This is just a fling! Am I that bad? OMG people keep asking if I'm a lesbian. Maybe I am?! Should I turn lesbian? But I like guys! I've only liked 1 girl in my life but that doesn't mean I'm a lesbian right?!"
And till now, I still entertain such thoughts. But recently I think I'm starting to come to terms with my life. I can go through photos calmly and not care. *I SWEAR THIS IS TRUE* I don't even call out "slut!" or criticize them anymore. Sometimes I even yawn and think "Oh this is pathetic. Is this real dating? Are they still together?"
If you like your gf dressing like a prostitute even at decent functions and don't mind having other guys put their hands on her (largely because of aforementioned slutty clothes) then I'm happy for you too! What did they say? Good things must be shared. Well played indeed.
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