Thoughts on paying on a "date"

I say date in inverted commas cuz what counts as a date is pretty subjective imo. Some people say guy and girl out = date.
Personally I think 2 people aren't dating until they're officially together. So I would only count all those previous meetings as appointments. Very strict definition, I know. But in this entry, i'll just use date since it's shorter to type. 

Lots of girl friends tell me the guy should pay for the date. Especially the first date. The meal, movie, everything else. I'm not really comfortable with that cuz sometimes I don't want it to feel like a date! Going out with someone doesn't mean you are interested in them in that way. Having them pay for things make me feel like I'm exploiting the fella.  Worse if I don't like him in that way and I know I won't like him in that way. You ask why I go out with a guy when I don't feel anything for him? If it's the first meeting, it's mainly curiosity to see how he is irl or in a private setting. Some guys manage to turn me off during the meeting hence I don't want to owe him anything else. If he treats, I feel like I owe him a next meal. Especially hate it when some guy says oh you can buy the next meal. Me: what next meal? *inwardly*

I remember literally shoving the $ at this hapless guy. Refused to let him send me home as well cuz it was just so ... I'm rather sorry for being so not nice. I think we kinda made up later on so all is good. Such situations scare me. I don't  know how to deal with guys who like me but I don't like them. Anyway I have sidetracked.

Personally I think it is good enough when a guy offers to pay. It's gentlemanly. Shows he might be interested in being more than friends. I have learnt that forcibly sharing or refusing to let them pay makes things awkward so... If they really want to pay then sure. But don't use the next time card on me. It's like if I want to pay, I will do it. Don't have to suggest it to me. I have met guys who are super generous. They offer to pay for all their friends. Doesn't matter if it's a guy or girl or a whole bunch. He would just take up the tab. I was really surprised by that guy.  Didn't think he was very rich but the way he did it was just very natural.  He even said he doesn't feel there's a need to draw the line at mine and yours. All those times we went out I think I only paid once and sneakily too.  Really feel like I owe him big time. That guy really knows how to play the game.  He's good. Hahaha.

Player or not, I did sort of get influenced by his ideas. I don't pay for every one but at times I don't mind paying for friends. Don't have to be so 计较 over these things. Not like treating them to banquet dinner. And similarly, I don't mind being the one to pay on a date. Remember,  I don't think of it as a date.   Paying for a friend is ok. So that friend is a guy? Same deal. I do it because you're a friend and we're meeting for a meal.  Simple as that. No need to read too much into it or expect me to give a good reason. When you're in the getting to know each other phase, you're equals. I don't expect the guy to always pay.  Sorry, independent female here. If the guy always pays, i'll feel a little paiseh. Go out to get free meal? It's kinda like selling myself. Sit there, look pretty, smile, engage his friends if brought as a date. Too tiring. But he really did give me good practice. How to be a vase. But the friends were good people. I did genuinely like a few of them.

When a girl pays on the date, she could be making a point.  Either she's financially independent so don't you belittle her or you have been friend zoned. I don't like guys who make women sound like materialistic gold diggers. I am definitely not one. If I want something I will work hard and use my own money. Do I have to prove my point by paying for you ? don't want to owe any favors. I also think the person who initiates the date should pay. If the girl initiates then she should pay. It's weird that you ask someone out so they can pay for you.

Reference to the wongfu video on friends vs more than friends. If the guy allows you to pay, does it mean you are just friends then? Thoughts?