Recently, I read this article on procrastination. I thought it was pretty spot-on. *If you haven't already guessed, I am procrastinating right now!*
In essence, there are true procrastinators and there are the fakes. True procrastinators can't stop themselves from procrastinating; it's basically ingrained in their DNA! I am one. I probably have been procrastinating since I was a baby. Hence, did not want to be born that quickly. Hey, now that I think about it...
2 - Procrastinators share their lives with the Instant Gratification Monkey (Monkey). Monkey wants to have fun and wants it now. Doesn't care that you have important stuff lined up to do. Procrastinators let Monkey take over their lives and end up doing weird/fun stuff that isn't enriching at all. This is what the author termed the "Dark Playground" - that space when you're doing something fun/non-important but you don't really feel the joy in doing it. Instead there're a lot of guilty feelings and looking over your shoulder cuz' you know there's something else that you should be doing.
3 - What scares the usually unflappable Monkey is the Panic Monster. How else do you explain mugging through the night when you can't even get through 10 pages on a good day? Or writing 3 tdps in a night when you can't craft 1 intro sentence in a day? It's only unfortunate IF the procrastinator runs away together with Monkey. That's when you take avoidance to the extreme and hide in a corner.
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It's toughest to get moving. Once you start, it's actually not that difficult to go on but to start, it's really tough. Like what I mentioned above, writing that intro sentence can take me a long time. Right now, it's panic mode but there are pockets when I feel myself slipping into the playground.
I muted my phone, I deleted contacts, I don't want to be obsessive and distracted.
When people talk to me, I am distracted.
How should I articulate my feelings? It's me being stretched too thin, fear of not meeting deadlines, fear of failing myself, indignation, doubt. Talking about it makes me feel better but it doesn't make the stress go away. Somehow, the best way is to bawl my eyes out. I think I will feel better.
On a sidenote, I thought it's sweet that the bf will ask me to show concern for her. Made me think how nice it would be if I had someone like that too... But right now, good girl friends are the ones who keep me sane and make me feel that I'm not alone. I also read this article on how some people never find the love of their lives. Many gems shared on facebook. It's much easier for movies to choose the happily ever after path. That's what the audience is accustomed to. I would want a happy ending rather than the couple going their separate ways and never meeting again. That would be ... so sad.
But how about life? It's possible for the second scenario to happen. Many times, it does and to more people than you think. But no one goes to the movies to see this. We want to escape from the harsh realities of life. Escapism.
Perhaps I am one of those who would never find the one. Keep your hopes up and be prepared to be even more disappointed. However, that shouldn't affect how I live my life. You can still find happiness. I had that plan where I'll buy a 2/3-room condo and live there with a cat/dog and a walk-in wardrobe.
Sounds good?
Achievable. Totes.
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