i knew you were trouble

I really think I have zero sense.

It has always been arduous when I fall for someone and yet, I always seem to do that! Too easily, too quickly. 

I'm not even sure is it like, love, fascination, obsession, desperation, *what?*

I've always reminded myself to build up those walls and not let myself get overly hopeful. Unfortunately, the best advice often falls on deaf ears. In this case, I can't even convince myself. I suck at giving pep talks :( 

Why did I think it was going to end differently? Did I think he would not be like the others? 

I did. 

I actually thought my luck would change for the better... How naive. I'm probably cursed to a lifetime of being alone. I did tell myself it's how you live your life that counts. I can't let myself think differently otherwise, I d'no, I would panic. I don't like being alone. I can't stand being alone. Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be loved, I wanted to love someone. I don't want to live my whole life without ever being loved. I can love my friends *maybe* but it wouldn't be the same. 

That mere thought of never being in love scares me. Is it silly? People around me make it look so easy, going from one relationship to another. They love to tell me that I've set my sights too high. Are you freaking kidding me? I think I, just like anyone else, have the right to decide if I like someone or not. I know I'm being ironic. On one hand, I say that I just need someone who likes me for who I am. Yet, I don't accept the guys who like me. *smacks forehead* This is such a joke. 

Anyway, I'm tired of letting a person affect my mood. I am my own person! Xuan was right. Even if you didn't intend to play me, you're doing it damn well. I hate it and I'm not going to pretend everything is okay.