I keep looking at my phone. I go out a lot. I can't concentrate on proving provisions!
I always knew it would end badly.
Did I listen to myself? Did I listen to my friends?
No. Of course I didn't!
I made excuses for myself so I wouldn't have to face the truth.
I was only honest with God and it made me feel better. But I was bad and broke my promises to stay away.
I wished I could say it was worth the effort. However, it really wasn't.
It's like an addiction. Once you start, you can't stop. Trying to break away was SO HARD and even now, I can't just quit. Like I told Jars, it would be better not having a constant reminder and just delete all traces.
I've never told anyone but I guess now, I can finally say what I've always thought.
It's like putting someone before myself. Being selfless, accommodating, always there. Constantly trapped in your gravity. Feeling like I can't ever find someone better. Happy only because you're around but also unhappy because I know your heart isn't in it.
It's like watching a collision. The wreckage. Feeling an odd sense of morbid curiosity. You know it's going to be awful but you can't look away.
Each picture, a reminder of what I will never have. A nagging feeling that I've been lied to. An indignation that someone like that could be better than me.
Wondering if things would have changed if I had a little more time.
Time.
I never have enough. Not even for myself. Is it my fault?
3 steps to physically break away. 1, 2 done. Now there's only 3.
Guess there's no reason for me not to throw myself fully into work now.
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