all i hear is my echo, echo, echo

recently, my 妹妹 brought up this topic on friendship.
i wouldn't say she was complaining but rather, simply musing on the intricacies.

my take on it?
friendships are complex relationships; it's like being in a relationship with different people.
starting one takes courage and stepping out of your comfort zone.
forging one requires both parties to connect on the same frequency.
maintaining one necessitates commitment, communication and self-control to stave off feelings of envy and rivalry.

none of them are easy to do.

don't you ever wonder why you connect with some people more than others? or why you feel like you 'get' someone but you guys just don't make it to the point of hanging out?
or that friend who makes it her life's goal to make caustic remarks at your expense? and you wonder why you guys are friends?

when i was younger, i did consider being as tactless as some friends.
i couldn't do it. i've always feared to be alone and being tactless - isn't that a surefire way to alienate people?
sigh. if so, why do i accept tactless remarks thrown at me when it hurts?
why would others fly into a rage if i did the same?
isn't life unfair?
i don't understand it.

over time, you'll either grow closer or grow apart.
i guess frequent communication is the key to maintaining a friendship. if you only see each other once in a long while, you'll realise there's a gap and many a time, you're just stuck at what to say or being in silence. a silence which might not be all that comfortable.
in that case, you'll start feeling like why put yourself through this 'torture'? might as well not meet right?

other times, lifestyles and the environment cause people to change.
you might think you haven't and it's just the other party. perhaps, you've changed too.
it's always sad when i lose someone i like. it's not a loss but it feels like a loss psychologically because you know once the dynamics have shifted, there's really no getting it back.
you can try to grasp at the fraying threads or you can just let them fall apart.
but there's no point in being the only one trying to get those threads back together. and if something is frayed, it can only fray more .. .to repair it, is essentially not possible.

so near yet so far.
i'm closer to someone in a different geographical and time zone than someone in the same zone.
amazing.